Sugar Mama's on TV and in Real Life Find Romance Overcomes Age Gaps

Sex and relationships columnist Aureal Lobosco would call them sugar mama's...women who date men more than eight years their junior and they're part of a trend that's coming off the screen and out of the bedroom.

Lobosco says the term originated in Vancouver, British Columbia, as a put-down for older wealthy women who would go to bars and go home with any sugar baby that was left at the end of the night.

But now, it's more positive describing women usually their in 30s through 60s or older, who are financially stable and mentally independent and looking for a sugar baby to have fun with.

Deana, who is single but has been married five times the last time to a man 15 years younger describes sugar mama's like herself this way: "She's in control. She's very attractive. And she's very sexy and a wealthy woman"

The National Association of Retired Persons released a survey in 2003 revealing that one-third of the single women between 40 and 60 are dating younger men. (But they didn't say how much younger.)

They no longer have to evaluate a man based off of whether or not they're going to be a good provider and take care of them.That opens up "a much wider pool to choose from.

Competing for the 48-Year-Old

There may also be more sugar mama's today because there are more sugar baby's that love them.

Self-described sugar mama hunters, 29-year-old Jerome Mape, who works in commercial real estate in San Francisco, and 28-year-old Mark Lewis, who is in software sales there, say they like the confidence and sexual experience of the sugar mama's they know and the fact most are not looking for commitment.

Many older women also look great, said Mape. "You have 30, 40, 50-year-old women who look like they're 25. And you can't tell the difference," he said.

Lewis said if one of his sons said he was going to go out with a woman 15 or 20 years his senior, he would tell him, "Pay attention. You might learn something."

But the sugar momma hunters Mark and Jeremy said they didn't feel like kept men. "There's definitely examples where that is the case," said Lewis. "But as a rule of thumb, no I don't think that's the case at all."

Tips From the 'Queen Sugar Mama'

Despite their apparent popularity, sugar baby and sugar mama relationships can be difficult. ShugaMama described an evening where her boyfriend John invited his dad and stepmom to her house for dinner.

"When she arrived I realized she was two years younger than me. I went running to the closet to put some tie-dye on," ShugaMama said.

For trickier situations, ShugaMama is writing what might be called the official sugar mama handbook, titled: "Sugar Mama: A Guide for Sugar Mama and Sugar Baby Dating."

"I tend to see myself as a sort of cheerleader for sugar mama's the sort of Queen Sugar Mama teaching young sugar mama tricks," she said.

The age question comes up often, ShugaMama said. She advises most sugar mama's not to tell.

"They all have an immediate picture ? let's say a 60-year-old woman: gray hair in a bun, apron on, cooking cookies."

Appropriate Behavior

The biggest hurdle for sugar mama and sugar baby dating relationships, ShugaMama said, is the sugar mama's lack of interest in, or inability to have a baby.

"If he wants children then it's short term, because he will go off to have his children at some point and you should allow that or even send him off to do it," she said.

And for people who would condemn the sugar mama's behavior as creepy or inappropriate, she said "I don't see these condemnations as valid.

"I do see them as only aimed at women putting down older wealthy women and trying to control them," she said. "No way."